Ukitake Jūshirō Last Will
by Chinatsu89
Summary: Poor Jūshirō died. How? Not really important. What's more important is what will be left to who? Oneshot. Read and review. Enjoy


DISCLAIMER: I do not own Bleach or The Frantics.

As everyone gathered in the room, advocate Kurosaki Ichigo started to speak " As the executor of Mr. Ukitake I have been empowered to read Mr. Ukitake last will and testament"

"Well, get on with it! The bar's open soon" Shunsui butted in.

While Miyako burst out in tears "Oh poor dear Jūshirō!"

"Oh there, there Miyako" Kaien tried to comfort her.

Byakuya lazily leaned his head on his hand and sighed "God, How predictably boring"

Ichigo shook his head and cleared his throat " If we are all seated, I shall proceed the reading"

"I knew it" Byakuya whined

Shunsui chuckled as Ichigo read out loud "I, Ukitake Jūshirō, being of sound, mind and body..."

"That's a laugh" Shunsui stated as he began to laugh.

Ignoring Shunsui, Ichigo continued "... do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows, to my overly emotional sister Miyako"

And with that Miyako burst out in tears again while Kaien desperately tried to comfort her again " Miyako dear, he's talking about us"

"Oh"

Ichigo mentally slapped his forehead " Who grubbed with her husband Kaien, grubbed for everything I had and then cried crocodile tears when I needed sympathy, to Miyako I leave...Aboot to the head"

"A what ?"Miyako asked as she got hit on the head with a brown boot "Ow!"

"Miyako are you okay ?" Kaien immediately asked.

"And another boot to her wimpy husband" Another boot flew trough the air and hit Kaien on the head.

"Ow!"

Shunsui laughed at the scene as Miyako started to yell "This is an outrage!"

Ignoring Miyako's statement, Ichigo continued to read "But is you are my sister, you both have admired my Rolls Royce and since I no longer need it" Ichigo paused for a moment while Miyako said "Oh dear Jūshirō, he's to kind"

Ichigo bit back a laugh as he continued "...I bequeath another boot to the head"

"What ?" Miyako yelled again as she got hit on the head again by a boot "Ow!" much to Shunsui amusement who began to laugh again.

"And one for the wimp" Ichigo said as Kaien too again got hit on the head by a boot "Ow!"

"Next to my alcoholic brother..."

"Hey I don't want no boot to the head" Shunsui quickly replied. " To dear Shunsui, who never worked a day in his drunken life..."

Shunsui covered his head with his arms " I'm covering up my head"

"...I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey"

"Really" Asked Shunsui with sparkling eyes while dropping his arms beside him "And a boot to the head" Another boot flew trough the air hitting Shunsui square on the face "Ow!"

"And Another for Miyako and the wimp" Two boots flew through the air.

"Ow!"

"Ow!"

"Next to my know-it-all-nephew, Byakuya..."

"This is so perdictable" Byakuya whined again

"...I leave a boot to the head" With that Byakuya was it on the head by a boot "Ugh...I knew it"

"And one for Miyako and the wimp" Two soft thuds were heard followed by two short yelps.

Ichigo stopped for a moment before starting again "This take care of family obligations...And now to Mrs. Unohana"

Oh uh I don't want nothing" Replied Retsu nervously "Who took care of me faithfully these many many years, who cared, made me laugh, brought me tea" Retsu smiled "Oh I didn't mind"

"To Mrs. Unohana, I bequeath...A boot to the head" And so Retsu got hit on the head by a boot "Oow!"

"And one for Miyako and the wimp" Ichigo said with a hint of amusement in his voice as Miyako and Kaien got hit by a boot on the head again.

"Ah!"

"Ow!"

"And so to my cat, Yoruichi I leave my entire vast...Boot to the head" The poor cat was hit by a boot "Meowwwwwwwwwww"

Ichigo started to grin as he read the next part his voice swelling with pride "And finally, to my lawyer who helped me on this will, I leave not a boot the head" His grin disappeared as he read the next part "But a rabid Tasmanian devil to be placed in his trouser" With that Ichigo started to talk faster "Ooh! Oh ah ah ah! And I leave my entire vast estate of ten million dollar to the people of Calgary so they can afford to move somewhere decent!" Ichigo ended panting like he just ran a marathon.

"Is that it ?" Kaien asked as Byakuya whined "That's it ?"

"That's disgraceful!" Shunsui yelled.

Ichigo waited until everybody was silent and shook his head "There's one last thing for everyone..." Shunsui immediately covered his head again and said "Cover your head everyone" Ichigo rolled his eyes "I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice-cream"

"Ice-cream ?" Kaien asked and Shunsui repeated the question "Ice-cream ?"

"Ice-cream that's all ?" Asked Byakuya in a whiney voice.

Ichigo nodded "That's all"

"But what flavour is it ?" Retsu quickly asked.

Ichigo frowned and answered "Boot to the head"

With that everyone in the room got hit again by a boot.


End file.
